I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
