im about as happy as oj after his trial
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
