Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
