I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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