I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
