and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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