the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize