she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
