do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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