whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm having to shit out rocks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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