so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
