just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
