I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
