is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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