Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
