you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
