I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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