woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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