I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize