ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
