i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
