I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my sisters under your porch take her home
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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