people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
