weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
