Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
