I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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