last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
