I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Holy sore nipples Batman
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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