he wants to bone in the snuggie
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
