He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have post one night stand depression
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