I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
