did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
