Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
