i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
