He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
