I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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