Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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