Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I look better un-naked...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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