Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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