It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
