So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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