Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
