dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
