So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
