The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
