Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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