he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize