oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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