I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
