i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
