There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i came on her dog
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
