If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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