i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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