Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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