In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
