is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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