saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
