the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
