Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
