My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
