I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
