I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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