i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let's get the cat blown out
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
