i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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