never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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